Only engineers understand

Comprehending Engineers, --Take One

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for 
a particularly slow group of golfers.  

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys?  We must have been 
waiting for 15 minutes!"  

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such 
ineptitude!"  

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper.  Let's have 
a word with him." 

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're 
rather slow, aren't they?" 

The  greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind 
firefighters.  They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from 
a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." 

The group was silent for a moment.  

The pastor said, "That's so sad.  I think I will say a special 
prayer for them tonight." 

The doctor said, "Good idea.  And I'm going to contact my 
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for 
them." 

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Two

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all 
things
mechanical.  After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired.  Several years later the company contacted him 
regarding 
a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their 
multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone
else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail.

In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so
many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the
challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine.  At the end of 
the 
day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the 
machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.  The 
company
received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.

They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer 
responded
briefly: One chalk mark    $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Three

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil 
Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Four

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How doesit work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Five

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the 
possible
designers of the human body.  One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.  The nervous systems
many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said , "Actually it was a civil engineer.  Who else would run 
a
toxic waste pipeline through a major recreational area?"
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Six

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.  The architect said 
he 
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an 
enduring 
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, 
because of 
the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah.  If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each 
assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab 
and
get some work done."

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven

An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer 
rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.  "Where did you get such a great 
bike?"
asked the first.  The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking 
along 
yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on 
this 
bike.  She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and 
said 
'Take what you want.' The second engineer nodded approvingly "Good 
choice; 
the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

--
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser